I hate you like I love you

“Now listen to this my fellow Americans, this is what the Japanese would have heard that morning on 18th April 1942. This is the sound that struck the fear in the hearts of the Japanese for the first time in the Second World War. This is the war cry of Jimmy Doolittle that shattered the Japanese confidence and made America believe that Pearl Harbor was just an aberration. This is the announcement to the world that America will not be defeated. The sweet whisper in every American ear that America will remain independent, come what may.” The announcer shrieked the welcome to the B-25J bomber with that in the Dayton air show this year.

White people were getting their tans and sunburns and the dark skins were getting darker still. The sun was mercilessly beating down baking everyone who has gathered to see the biggest air show in the birth place of aviation.

Americans would probably never know what it is like being ruled by a foreign power, but they surely understand that it’s a very important thing to not know that. When the deafening roar of the engines heralded the B-25s every one clapped their hearts out.

It was almost cute compared to the other monstrous beauties that were its descendents. Everyone cheered the sight of the B-25. Everyone cheered except the small Asian looking family next to us.

During the enactment called “Tora Tora Tora” earlier, faces of the adults in the family, in rapt attention and awe like everyone else had still managed to betray their hearts. I could tell that this family was of Japanese extraction.

“Tora Tora Tora”, the same announcer had solemnly told everyone, “is a salute to every brave man who fell on both sides. It’s not vilification of a nation, my friends; it’s enacting a sad day in American history”. They probably plan the show in a way that the announcers can get over with other acts before playing themselves.

Only the sun was same to everyone, equally torturous. Only the kids were really enjoying the show, even those yellow kids. Sun did not bother them and everything else in the show was equally awesome.

P.S
The title of the post is title of a new song. Sigh! They are so much more funny.
And here is a list of performances at the show.

Sometimes Natha’s poop is better analyzed than the rising Yamuna waters

Few weeks back I watched this movie called Peepli [Live]. Now if you are in India and have not heard about this movie, then it’s probably because

You live under a rock in the middle of Thar desert

You tribe lives in one of the protected jungles

You are illiterate, blind, deaf, all of these

You live in a different country (at least you think so) called Tamilnadu

You live in Bombay (which is almost not India, even if you think so), and only poverty you have known is in the slums (which is more of squalor, more about unaffordable real estate and less of actual ‘going without food’ poverty).

Take your pick.

This movie is about a brother duo, who happens to be small farmers in some village in the Hindi heartland. And by extension very poor. They have mortgaged their small strip of land for their mother’s medical expenses. Since they cannot repay the loan, one of them, Natha Das Manikpuri, decides to commit suicide to get the compensation from the government.

What follows is a huge drama over the suicide, played by the frenzied media and the wily politicians. Of which the movie is touted to be a satire over. And it’s a very finely done satire. Not too understated and not overtly loud. This fine satire is the most likable thing about the movie.

You laugh through the movie and in the end go home with a compelling issue or two to think about.

While I can tell a thousand likable things about the movie like the real characters, the almost real story, the fabulous presentation and the immaculate attention to details, I will not.

That is because this post is not about reviewing the movie. Which I wanted to do but got too lazy about.

This post is just to draw attention to the current drama in the news media. The case in point my people is, the flooding of Yamuna River and the imminent floods in Delhi. Although waters did not enter the city, but we got severely flooded by all the ‘exclusive and by the minute’ reports of the water levels of Yamuna and how far above the danger mark it is flowing.

What pisses me off is to hear every day for last two weeks that by 4 pm (or near about on different days) the water will be flowing 2 meters above the danger mark. Every single day.

Monday (before 4 pm): another 2.5 cusecs of water has been released and by 4 pm Yamuna will be flowing 2 meters above the danger mark. Monday (after 4 pm):  water is currently flowing at 1.8 meters above the danger mark. Will be above 2 meters above danger mark by 4 am.

Tuesday (before 4 pm): another 1 cusec of water has been released and by 4 pm Yamuna will be flowing 2 meters above the danger mark. Tuesday (after 4 pm):  water is currently flowing at 1.8001 meters above the danger mark. Will be above 2 meters above danger mark by 4 am.

……………..

……………..

Friday (before 4 pm): another bout of rains and by 4 pm Yamuna will be flowing 2 meters above the danger mark. Friday (after 4 pm):  water is currently flowing at 1.899 meters above the danger mark. Will be above 2 meters above danger mark by 4 am.

And all of a sudden today, water has started to recede. Despite huge rainfall in the city.

If you have been feeling acute concerns about the floods in Delhi, hold on for now. You have been duped. And I wonder if you will be really concerned if it really happened. What with having exploited out of all your emotional juice.

Besides, how this flood will put the commonwealth games in jeopardy, as if it is not already. But that is another drama in its own right.

Or how dengue will be an epidemic, like it is not already.

The high point of all this is this: one fine day the news anchor is waxing eloquent about how water is above 2 meters above danger mark, a caption just next to his face showing 2.01 or some such number. And the news flash at the bottom of the screen shows 1.8 meters.

Well, we all need to know and hold on to the high points when there is flood at your door steps.

Talking of high points, one high point in the movie is this: Natha goes for the ablutions and goes absconding from thereon. Bereft of a subject, one of the news team camping there goes on to broadcast the analysis of color and consistency of Natha’s poop. That apparently helps to determine the emotional and psychological state of the person.

That was at least hilarious.

If you have friends and family in Delhi, don’t worry. They are perfectly safe. Unless they have been meditating in a tent on banks of Yamuna. In that case they deserved it.

Water logging in low lying areas is only a little worse than what you get after a day of good rainfall.

Now can I have some more analysis of Natha’s poop please!

No honey, not until we decide on your side of the bargain

Few weeks back there was this video of a stick man and a stick woman posted on facebook. Someone amongst my friends or their friends or may be their friends posted it. Can’t remember it now. You know how it is with social networking. You are supposed to be in touch. So much so that you end up forgetting who it was that you touched.

I have been terribly caught up with work for last few weeks now. But I had to write this post about this video that has caught my fancy and made me think about it. So I came back early today to write about it. Yeah, nine in the evening IS early. It just depends on the perception.

I digress no more.

So here was this video with this song playing in the background and Mr. Stick Man and Ms. Stick Woman enacting the song. Not only on facebook but every lady and not any man I have known went so ooh aah about this song. I completely understand. Here is the song. It’s a good ol’ song by good ol’ Adam Sandler. Yeah the same funny man. But this song was not sung in jest.

I wanna make you smile
Whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All i wanna do, is grow old with you

I'll get you medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
So, it could be so nice growing old with you,....

I'll miss you
Kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold
Need you
Feed you
Even let you hold the remote control.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink
Oh I could be the man that grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you.

This might be a man’s world but when it comes to romance my fellow men you are a mockingbird. You know, they don't kill you mainly because you do no harm. You don't do one thing but sing your hearts out.

That is all that I am going to say about this. Of course apart from this little advice to Mr. Stick Man. Dear Stick Man if you really wanna grow old with the Stick Lady, like you sing, you got to catch up pretty fast. What with arthritis and heavy drinking she is almost all ready there.

As for me, letting you hold the remote control is a deal breaker anyway! But for starters you could sing that song for me.

Updated:
My good fried Vibha is furious over this post (see comments). That makes me think I should have written more here, rather than leaving it to the readers interpretation. But then, I can always update my own post, right? I updated a few things in the main part. And the rest is here.

Did you notice that this song is not about some abstract idea of love and heart and all the nice things in between. Its about the fact of growing old with someone (that in my opinion is a very very big commitment,) while one party taking taking full responsibility of the well being of the other. If there is any such commitment from the lady, I can't figure that out from the song. Now when it comes to it, I am not aware of any such song.

While at that have you ever noticed, how there are so less songs (I don't know any, like I said before) with same idea from the point of view of a woman. Despite the fact that men are built to fare worse when they grow old.

Now what are my options here, crib about it, just accept it, demand an equal commitment (in the title) or make fun of it. I chose the last few.

Tigers and such and lack thereof

When I wrote the last time on this blog, I remember a wooly mammoth walking by my window. We don’t see too many of them these days. I think it’s been a long time since I wrote.

By the way mammoths were not really mammoth size wise. They were smaller than the current day elephants which don’t pass by the windows. I don’t know if any one actually harvested wool from the wooly parts of the mammoth but I am surely amused by the genius in calling a cute little (little compared to elephants which don’t walk by the windows) thing as ‘wooly’ mammoth. Some would point out a lurking greed in the act; I say it’s an inspired imagination.

When I enquired about why these elephants are not walking by, I found that they have been really busy in hauling logs, going to safaris, blessing people in temples and jingling those thick iron chains tied to their feet. Someone told me that they are actually trying to break free, but I think that the jingling of those chains is rather amusing. They, of course, do all of this when they are not supplying ivory. Busy folks these elephants are, I can tell you.

If you thought elephants were big, I recommend a view of the big ugly whales. At least you will be accurate when you tell your kids about them. I recommend that you go see them fast. These days these guys are doing nothing much of use but dying. Just as well. They have lots of fat and take too much space anyways.

To top it, these whales eat too much. We are going to need all that food soon. You do need lots of energy to go shopping to those whooping big malls. How far do you think is the time when all the fields and the jungles will be paved? One needs lots of space for the malls and the roads leading to the malls and other industrial hubs.

Killing those big ugly whales seems so good and apt. We can eat their food to enjoy the beautiful creations we make on the space where we are growing food now. It all falls into place.

Coming back to the business of busy elephants; busy in taking people on elephant safaris. Most of these safaris are the attempts of some fools to spot these stupid tigers. These fools go ecstatic if they manage to spot one of these furtive animals. Once in a life time thing all right, but what is the use. The real smart people, anyways, find them easily and kill them.

Hats off to these smart people otherwise known as poachers (and I don’t know why). These guys are doing a great service by eliminating such dangerous animals. Tigers are known to attack the livestock and even the people who live in the protected tiger reserves. I say, raze the jungles and kill the tigers. We need to grow some wheat there before we will need to build a factory on the land and call it a special economic zone.

Thanks to our brave poachers we have 1411 (i.e. one thousand four hundred and eleven) tigers only. But the last leg is left, before we are ridden of such nefarious creature. Given the work done in past, I would give it but a few years.

I just hope one of them passes by my window before they go the way of saber tooth tigers. More about them later.

P.S:
They say satire is the lowest form of humor, but such is the situation. I have seen a tiger once. And the majestic thing that it is, even after so many years I can remember all details. And now we are looking at the possibility of not having them in a generation or two. Unless we do something about it.